Speaker 1: 0:00

The Journey Talks Podcast, your favorite podcast to reconnect with gratitude and inspiration, hosted by Jorge Gonzalez. Trigger warning In this episode, we discuss mental health topics, including anxiety, depression and other sensitive issues. Listener discretion is advised. If you find these subjects triggering or distressing, please call the NAMI helpline at 1-800-950-6264. Let's continue the journey together. Hello, welcome to Journey Talks podcast, your favorite podcast to reconnect with gratitude and inspiration. My name is Jorge Gonzalez and I am your host.

Speaker 1: 0:45

I am convinced that behind every gratitude, there is a powerful story waiting to be told, and through this podcast, I want to create a space where we can share these stories and inspire one another. As humans, we all share one thing in common, and that is the experience of being alive. We all go through situations that leave a footprint in our lives. Sometimes we meet people that stay with us for a very brief period of time, and others stay with us for a little longer. Who are the people? What were the situations that opened doors for transformations in our hearts and helped us become the person we are today? Through this podcast, I will be interviewing guests with stories of gratitude, and my hope is that, as we open ourselves and have the willingness to reconnect with these stories, we can celebrate our shared humanity and reconnect with the unconditional love that we all have access to from within. Our guest today is an amazing human being. We met in college and, along with her husband, they have granted me a beautiful friendship that we continue to care for and nurture and enjoy till this day. Hence the opportunity of being together today right Originally from Guaynabo, puerto Rico, our guest studied music at the University of Puerto Rico and finished her bachelor's degree at Berklee College of Music in Boston and her master's at the Inter-American University of Puerto Rico.

Speaker 1: 2:10

She was a flutist with the Puerto Rico Symphonic Band and for the last 10 years she worked as the managing director of programs and digital media at the Latin Grammy Foundation. Through the foundation and along with her team, they create educational opportunities for the next generation of Latin music creators through scholarships, grants and educational programs around the globe. Thanks to their work, future professional musicians receive the financial support needed to pursue their college education and training. Some of their scholarships recipients have also attended and participated at the annual celebration of the Latin Grammy Awards in Las Vegas, madrid and this year here in Miami, florida. She is a wife, a mother of two kiddos they're not kiddos anymore and an amazing friend and the life of the party, as we say in Spanish. A really cool gift that our guest and her husband gave me a long, long time ago was the honor of officiating their wedding. They were the very first wedding that I officiated when I was in my journey to do my theological trainings and become a minister. This was was 19 years ago, right 20.

Speaker 2: 3:27

20 years ago All right Time does fly.

Speaker 1: 3:30

It is with great joy that I introduce you to my dear friend, Nanette Velez. Nanette, how are you?

Speaker 2: 3:35

I'm good and I love your podcast. Thank, you. He is an amazing human being, an amazing friend, an amazing husband, everything he does with children, with spirituality. So I really admire you and it's an honor to be here. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 3:51

Well, this is amazing.

Speaker 2: 3:53

I've been dreaming about this conversation for a long time and here we are Welcome to Journey Talks podcast and thank you for being with us.

Speaker 1: 4:00

This podcast is all about sharing stories of gratitude and moments of growth and transformation in our lives. Having known you for more than 20 years, I have witnessed your journey and we have walked alongside each other at some points of that journey, and now we get the blessing of continuing to walk along each other.

Speaker 2: 4:18

And to live in the same place right, we ran in Puerto Rico, and now we're in Miami, and now we're here in.

Speaker 1: 4:22

Miami. I'll be so honored if you will open your heart and your mind once again and you share some of your gratitude stories with being in our audience. Would you be willing to do it? Of course, yeah, all right. So let's do it. First question Nene what is gratitude for you?

Speaker 2: 4:37

Well, gratitude for me is being able to appreciate everything that I have in my life, and it's difficult sometimes, when a lot of negative things happen, to see the light. You know, sometimes you have to go through darkness to see the light, so sometimes we don't feel grateful for those dark moments, but how are you not going to see and appreciate them because they showed you the light, you know? So that is a very important thing that I am grateful for, and that gratitude means to me.

Speaker 2: 5:16

In my gratitude journey, trying to see the positives, to be successful in my life, in my marriage, my friendships, my work, I had a lot of difficulties about self-esteem, ego. I always felt like I wasn't enough. Sometimes I didn't have the courage to do some stuff. And when I had the courage and didn't compare myself to others, that's when I was most successful, you know, because I was happy with myself. So all this journey, my 43 years in this earth, has taken me to learn how to love every version of myself, the negative and the positive, the mistakes and the success.

Speaker 2: 6:02

Nana, you went straight to it I loved it no bidding around the bushes with.

Speaker 1: 6:09

Nanette this morning. Well, thank you. I appreciate your answer because I can relate. I could not agree more with you. Even in the journey of wanting to study theology, I cannot ignore the fact that that came with such a need to be perfect yeah but I could not run away from my own humanity.

Speaker 1: 6:29

yes, no one is perfect. I could not run away from those little quirks that I was not proud about my personality, about myself and the thing at least for me. I noticed those and I noticed them in my relationships, in my my mind. I thought I was good and because I'm good, I'm a good person, I don't do anything wrong. I was so disconnected from the areas of growth in my life and so when I was confronted with them I would be so embarrassed, I would be so ashamed, so it was really hard to love myself. So I bring that up, because you bring this understanding of self-love and loving all those aspects of yourself. I'm hoping our conversation can lead us into unpacking a bit more, peeling that onion to see what were the things that got in the way and perhaps what was the deliberation or the doors or people, the voices that helped you, sort of like what's the word that I'm looking for? They give you permission to drop the load to let it go.

Speaker 2: 7:28

Let it go, right, let it go.

Speaker 1: 7:30

We're so used to hearing that expression. Let it go. I think it's wise to unpack what that means, because letting go forcibly is not letting go, and letting go because it's an expectation is not letting go, but understanding that you don't need to carry that burden anymore. That's a different heart, energy, mind, space. I'm hoping that we can tap into that as we go on a conversation. You did mention that you're grateful for the areas of growth in your life. What are you grateful for? Can you tell me a little bit more about?

Speaker 2: 8:03

it.

Speaker 1: 8:03

I love you. And straight into a very real answer but what other aspects of your life are you grateful for?

Speaker 2: 8:10

Yeah, something I'm grateful for is when I learned that you have to remember the lesson, not the disappointment. That's where we go when we think about why can't I let it go? Because it's your ego. Well, you want to be right, you want to do everything correctly, but how are you going to learn if everything is great and fine? You have to go through all these ups and downs. You know and you remember the lesson, not the disappointment, and you let it go and carry it in your shoulders, in your mind, in your heart. You become heavy. When you do that. You're like you're going to feel so light because you have to.

Speaker 2: 8:52

If you're nice to other people, why can't you be nice to yourself? That's one of the most important things. I didn't understand that until I was an adult, that I had to love myself and forgive myself and let go. Once, when my children were very small, the pediatrician of my kids told me like what is wrong? Why are you so anxious? I was not sleeping, taking care of all their needs, their clothes, their food, everything. I was like you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of them. That sentence it blew my mind. I was like oh, you're totally right. I grew up as a people pleaser and everything was okay if I pleased everybody. But no, that's the wrong way to go with it. You have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others. So that's something like changed my chip completely. It's like I'm living in another radio station. It changed my life.

Speaker 1: 9:51

I appreciate the whole being a pleaser because I identify with you as well.

Speaker 2: 9:56

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:57

When you try to please other people. If you grow up like that in a pleasing mode, you don't know any difference, yeah up like that in a pleasing mode, you don't know any difference. But not paying attention to your own need will show up and in your case I'm assuming it was your anxiety yes, it's gonna creep up.

Speaker 2: 10:13

You keep it in. You keep it in and you're acting like like everything's fine when you're people pleasing. It's fake because you're not really being accountable, you're not having those difficult conversations that you have to have for it to be real. Some people pull out their rug, put everything there and don't deal with it, but sometimes that rug is going to explode or something is going to happen.

Speaker 1: 10:33

You're going to trip over it. You know what that showed up for me in resentment.

Speaker 2: 10:38

Yes, it happens.

Speaker 1: 10:40

And I struggle because, as a pleaser, I wanted to be the perfect husband. And I struggle because, as a pleaser, I wanted to be the perfect husband.

Speaker 2: 10:51

But the more.

Speaker 1: 10:51

I try to be the perfect husband, the more I was confronted with my humanity and my areas of growth, and so it will show up in resentment and I will become so irritable, and so when my spouse would show something to me, I didn't have the tools to receive that criticism yeah because I'm good, I'm perfect, I'm doing everything for you.

Speaker 1: 11:09

How come, how dare it get to that? It got to that point, how dare you? You know? I was unconsciously keeping track of all those things in my mind. The truth is that I was not showing up because I was still holding on to that narrative they're talking about Once I was able to see it. It was painful at the beginning.

Speaker 2: 11:29

To be accountable is one of the most difficult things in life and it's so important.

Speaker 1: 11:34

But then slowly you start letting go, you start dropping it and for me and this is actually a question to you it was mind-blowing to feel the difference in my body, to feel. At the beginning it was scary because it was unknown territory. Physically, I didn't know how to be that person, not that I didn't know how to be chill, but I didn't know how to be chill, accepting the fullness of myself, and it was my wife who really entertained and created that space for me where I was accepted just because of who I am. So that was very profound for me and that's a memory that I have of a moment that I was held accountable, but it turned out to be an opportunity for growth and for healing and for liberation. So can you I'm going to throw the question at you now can you remember a situation that now, looking back, you realize you know yourself better because you went precisely to that situation, because you're hitting on it.

Speaker 1: 12:31

But I'm curious about if there's anything that stands out that you would like to share with us.

Speaker 2: 12:37

Yeah, the same thing happened to me too. Sometimes we have to understand that other people have a different point of view and a different way that they were raised, or different morals. Everyone is a you, a different universe. So sometimes what people say it's because of what they went through, it's their point of view. You can't say, oh no, you're right, I'm wrong, or I'm right, you're wrong. You have to understand that everybody has a different point of view and listen to them, really listen, because sometimes we listen to answer and you have to listen to understand. That's a big difference in my life. That has helped me a lot In my marriage with my kids, with my friends at work, in life.

Speaker 2: 13:19

So you have to understand the other person's point of view and be accountable. You feel that way. Yeah, I accept it. That's not what I tried to do. I didn't do it on purpose. I'm sorry I made you feel this way. Let's work on it. How would you like me to address you or to talk about this topic? So you're not? Oh, she's always mad or it's her fault. That's how she grew up. No, listen, listen and realize that the other person has a different point of view.

Speaker 1: 13:47

You know, I love that, because the truth is when that space is created. It allows for a real, genuine relationship, not the idea of the relationship you have in your mind or that your partner or your friend has in mind. Having that honesty and putting things on the table allows for both parties to consider what the truth is, because the truth is always in between. But I find it fascinating that we all find those realizations in different ways in our lives, but it's almost like it's it's like in the same lesson, manifested or showing in different ways for different people according to their personalities. Nana, so what do you feel? Were you able to understand about yourself in a different way because of some of the experience that you have gone through?

Speaker 2: 14:39

Okay. So talking about people pleasing, I was always like I want to help people. So since I was little, if I complacer, how do you say?

Speaker 1: 14:54

complacer in.

Speaker 2: 14:55

English it's like, please everyone, that everything's okay.

Speaker 2: 14:59

If they don't like for me to dress this way, then I won't. If they don't like for me to talk about this topic, then I won't. If they don't like for me to talk about this topic, then I won't. So I was creating like this fake life, fake persona, and just helping them and helping them. And yeah, what do you need? What do you need, like doing everything for them and something that actually my husband helped me with a book and it's this really big, important topic that is called boundaries. So boundaries have changed my life.

Speaker 2: 15:31

A boundary is like a gate. Let's say you have a gate, but the gate is not closed. The gate has like a little door at the middle and you can open it and close it, but the boundary is put there and you open and close it whenever you feel, depending the situation. So let's say you have a friend that's always calling you for help but leaves everything to the last moment and it's disrupting your life or your relationship or your time with your family, and that's when I say, hey, I'm going to put a boundary here. No, I'm sorry, I can help you, but not at this time. It was the hardest thing I remember.

Speaker 2: 16:12

I felt like the worst person I'm such a bad friend, but I was putting my family and my needs because I need to protect myself. Who's going to protect myself if it's not myself? So boundaries are a really important topic. I need to protect myself. Who's going to protect myself if it's not myself? Yeah, you know. So boundaries are a really important topic. You can do a whole podcast about boundaries, but it's so important, it's so important to put in place.

Speaker 1: 16:35

Boundaries. Let's spend some time with boundaries, because I had to learn them the hard way too.

Speaker 2: 16:40

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 16:42

I had to learn them the hard way too. You mentioned earlier, you build this fake persona and you do it unknowingly. You're unaware that you're creating and unconsciously building something that is gonna. It's gonna. You're gonna have to pay the toll yes it's gonna, it's gonna, it's gonna come back to you yeah like the, like the rug.

Speaker 2: 17:04

You keep putting, you know putting, you know putting.

Speaker 1: 17:05

And so when, all of a sudden, you realize that you cannot live up to the expectations of that perfect person that you're presenting yourself to be, it's hard, yeah, in places of such anger anger at myself, anger at the fact that I didn't have the emotional intelligence to understand that I was doing it to myself. And then I had to deal with the uncomfortable feeling.

Speaker 2: 17:36

Because no one likes to be uncomfortable. They don't want to feel good. But you have to be uncomfortable to feel good.

Speaker 1: 17:42

But what I was doing and what I didn't notice that I was doing, is that in that pleasing, behind that pleasing, is manipulation. Because I am pleasing you so I know that we are good, so it's checking that box in my mind and right my psyche, but it's because I want something out of it whether it gives me the peace of mind that I'm in good terms with you or I feel good about myself because we have a good friendship.

Speaker 1: 18:11

So it's feeding an insecurity in myself, you know. So it's very subtle. These things are very subtle and once you realize that, once you put boundaries in place as hard as they are because you have to build them and building is hard work but once you use it and it does its function, it allows you to be in that space where you can be genuine and real, those boundaries helped me get to know a deeper part of myself that I was not given permission to explore. I don't know if it was the same thing for you. In my family of origin, the policing was very rampant. I don't want to say it was intentional, because our parents did the best thing.

Speaker 2: 18:53

They did the best they could.

Speaker 1: 18:54

It's true that it's painful for us growing up because you don't have at least for me, you don't have the language to unpack what it means. But that doesn't take away the fact that it did a number on you and and that does a number in each and one of us, and it gets us to a place of like who am I?

Speaker 1: 19:14

yeah and once you realize oh, I am this person and if I continue to honor this boundary, it's not that I don't love you any less. I still love you. But right now, this is how I can show up for you because it's how I can help protect myself and be genuine with myself exactly so that helps carry, I feel, I think, when both parties of the relationship or the situation, as hard as it is, can meet that halfway point there's room for the conversation to go further, and it's not going to happen immediately.

Speaker 1: 19:51

I'm sure that when your husband introduced you to the concept of boundaries, it's not that you're going to fix the problem right away, but because you have those boundaries in place, you have spaces or moments where you can. Okay, we're gonna have this conversation. I'm not so charged right now. Let's unpack this, and so it gives you the opportunity to be vulnerable and show, perhaps, that area of need that we're so ashamed of showing. Yeah, right, because in my case, the resentment was because I had a need that was not being met. And I'm a man, how come I'm so needy?

Speaker 2: 20:28

And that's something very Latin, like we were raised in this.

Speaker 1: 20:33

And so I wonder tell me more about how that process of holding those boundaries helped you get to know a deeper aspect of Nanette.

Speaker 2: 20:55

Well, when I started putting them in place, that's when I saw that people in my life didn't have my best interests or didn't want to go. You know, let's say 50-50, like, I help you, you help me, we help each other. And some people when I started to put boundaries, I even lost some friends. That's when I realized maybe he or she wasn't my friend. He was trying to manipulate me, like when we were talking they didn't respect me or my needs.

Speaker 2: 21:20

It was really hard for me because I put myself in a very vulnerable position. You don't want to be attacked or be hurt, but you have to have the courage to be vulnerable for it to be real, correct and to have real people and be your real self. So it got a little bit lonely when I lost some people and that's when I learned that sometimes it's okay, mejor solo que mal acompañado. You don't want that people in your life, but I want to help them. They're my friends.

Speaker 2: 21:51

And on there goes the people pleasing no, I want to help you, no, no. But if you're disturbing my life and making me feel so bad, then it's not bad if that person left, you know, but it's hard. It got a little bit lonely, but since I was in this journey on learning to be by myself, to love myself, and then it taught me to surround myself with good, it helped me see real friendships, real family, real people, and I am so grateful right now, so grateful for the friends that I have, like you, for my husband, my kids, my best friends, the family that I created because of this.

Speaker 1: 22:34

Of the boundaries that you're implementing.

Speaker 2: 22:36

Yes, and maybe smaller, because, oh, I have 10 friends or I have 20, but they weren't my real friends. Sometimes they even make me feel bad and I was like, oh no, it's okay, he was angry. I'm like no, you can't talk to me like that. So I'm very grateful that my husband taught me those boundaries and I put them in practice every day.

Speaker 1: 22:56

I love that when you talked about your husband, because I believe that life, god, universe, whatever you want to call it brings the right people at the right time in our lives. Sometimes we have angels right in front of our faces and you don't see them. It sounds like in the work that you have done together, you have been able to create the space where you can be for each other, that supporting system right. And that's a blessing.

Speaker 2: 23:28

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 23:28

That is a blessing and I think sometimes it's a friend, a parent, a mentor, sometimes it's you know, but there always will be people that make you feel safe and secure, and you've seen those quotes on social media constantly. You know, keep the people that make you feel good around. We have to learn what that means, because it's not the people that please you constantly.

Speaker 2: 23:52

That's feeding a different energy and ego.

Speaker 1: 23:54

It's the people that make you feel safe when you're vulnerable.

Speaker 2: 23:58

Yes.

Speaker 1: 23:59

That's a different story.

Speaker 2: 24:00

That's love.

Speaker 1: 24:00

You can be vulnerable with that's love. Love is not so much the heat and the passion. It can be in a friendship, it can be in partnerships, but when someone loves you enough that you can be vulnerable, that you can face those dark places of your personality of your fears, of your insecurities, of your traumas.

Speaker 1: 24:22

That's special and, ultimately, those are the moments I've learned where we experience healing, liberation, yes, freedom, growth, because it's like. Now I have a new way of relating to x and y story of my life or moment or experience. Now I have a new point of reference that helps me look at my trauma, my pain, in a new light. And it is thanks to the way we show up for each other and that reminds me of what I try to bring here in the podcast, which is our shared humanity yes our shared humanity is not just the good aspects of who we are, it's also our vulnerability.

Speaker 1: 25:03

And when we recognize that space that we share, the least thing we can do is try to hold that tension and see what's there for the other person. We offer that space. All right, let's switch gears slightly. I met you as a musician. We were students at the University of Puerto Rico. I remember we had a bunch of classes together Music theory, solfege and bunch of classes together Music theory, solfege and some of the history.

Speaker 1: 25:28

Yes, right, I remember we would go to the cubicles to try to learn, and you were way more of a disciplined musician than I was. I struggled so much. I would go to the cubicles and try to learn theory and to read, and all of that.

Speaker 1: 25:51

But my question to you is why music? Why the flute, why this connection to music, and how do you end up in the position that you're in right now? Because, for the people that are getting to know you, I happen to believe that you have an amazing job, not only because you get to do cool things in the music industry, but because you're providing opportunities for other people to pursue their dreams. I remember we had a conversation over the phone that you mentioned already. This makes me so happy. Let me repeat the question, because I do this all the time.

Speaker 1: 26:23

The question that I go on. Ron, my question to you is right now why do you do what you do? Let's start there. Why do you do what you do and why music?

Speaker 2: 26:31

Well, music is the only thing I liked in school, thanks to music. I don't know what I would be today if it wasn't for music when I was little. I saw if it wasn't for music. When I was little. I saw MTV, I saw this artist bare their souls and I could feel them. We'll talk a little bit more about energy in the next question. But I could feel their pain. I could feel their happiness. I got this connection.

Speaker 2: 27:03

I saw Kurt Cobain doing a live and an unplug on MTV and I was like who is this man? Why am I feeling all this pain and this beautifulness at the same time? I had no idea. I thought I was crazy. I didn't know anything about energy, about being an empath, about Reiki. I didn't know anything. So I was like what is happening to me? This is the most beautiful and saddest thing ever.

Speaker 2: 27:30

He was singing just with a guitar. And then I researched more about him and we had like the same birthday and when he was 13, he got his first guitar and that's the year I was born. I was like, wow, I love this thing called music and the connection. So I auditioned for the band at school and I was good for drums and saxophone. So then I told my parents like hey, I auditioned, and they're like no, what we have at home is a flute. I'm like how am I going to play rock or something like that with a flute? So they talked to the teachers and I started to play flute. My dad is also a musician.

Speaker 2: 28:15

He still is and he's an amazing bass player. He was always taking me to his concerts and I was always watching him play and I was like this is what I want to do. So I started to play flute and then I started to learn to other flutists. So I saw Dave Valentin playing a concert. Everything that he did with the flute was so cool. I was like, okay, the flute is cool, I can do different stuff because I only thought it was like classical or too serious. But then I fell in love with it. So that's the thing that I wanted to do. But I wanted to go to Berkeley and I was like how much is Berkeley? I don't know, thousands of dollars. My flute was green, it was used from the 70s, so my family didn't have money so I could go to Berkeley. So I started to have this as my goal and I started to work really hard and do everything that I could to get there. They told me, hey, they give out scholarships and hey, berkeley is coming to Puerto Rico and they audition. So I started to practice and practice and that was my goal to go to Berkeley.

Speaker 2: 29:21

When I went to music camps and auditions, like everybody was better than me, everybody was better than me. One audition I left. I didn't do it because I was so scared and I didn't have like the courage or self-love like just go through it In another year I was like no, you have to do this Because sometimes you regret more the steps that you don't take. So I was like I have to, I have to do this. So I auditioned and I got a scholarship to the five. We came and then I got a scholarship to to go to college. So I was like me. I got from Puerto Rico who like so they saw something like that's. I started to have the courage to love myself.

Speaker 2: 30:02

I went to berkeley as a scholarship student. There I worked at the scholarship office so I got to meet all the people that want scholarships to go there and every phone call there's like oh my god, I want a scholarship and I helped them come to berkeley. While working there I was like this is what I want to do. I want to give back to the world what the world gave me. It was just it also like clicked.

Speaker 2: 30:24

Like this is what. Like clicked like this is what I want to do. Yes, this is what I want to do with music. How music helped me. So I wanted to do the same. When I graduated I went to Puerto Rico and I worked on some wonderful foundations creating orchestras in different areas in Puerto Rico. I worked as a music professor, but then I got this random phone call from somebody that they were opening the Landgrind Foundation in Miami and I interviewed and then I moved with my husband and my kids. We all moved to Miami for this job where I get to help so many young talented musicians around the world achieve their dreams. So it's my passion. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Speaker 1: 31:14

See, this is what I wanted to share.

Speaker 1: 31:15

This is why I wanted you to share your story because I think it's beautiful, and that was exactly the conversation we had. You told me, jorge, I'm not performing as much as I would like to, but I get to help people get there and I think that's powerful, because I've learned over the years that it's what you do with your gifts For me that gives me peace of mind. Maybe it's still connected to my need to be a pleaser and whatnot. Maybe that's something to explore, but I think there's beauty in sharing goodness and there's beauty in sharing positivity. There's goodness in opening doors for others. Like you, I'm here because of the generosity of other people. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 2: 32:00

Somebody gave you an opportunity.

Speaker 1: 32:02

Yes.

Speaker 2: 32:02

And it's not easy. That's not the whole story. Like in my journey, I went sometimes to play with people and they're like what are you doing here? You're a girl, Girls don't play in Latin jazz. Oh, what are you doing here? Women don't go here. So it was hard. It was hard. I even had friends at that time who were like oh, you can't go to that college that's very prestigious. Like they won't admit you, they won't accept you, and I'm like those are the voices that you listen to.

Speaker 2: 32:31

Instead, you don't listen. You listen more. You remember more the negative than the positive.

Speaker 1: 32:35

That you have to change that, yeah, yeah yeah, you have to change, you have to turn around.

Speaker 1: 32:40

So I've never shied away of sharing on the podcast my journey in the church as an institution and whatnot, and with all of the things that the church can improve. I have to recognize and I cannot ignore the beautiful things that the church did for me and it exposed me to people that have beautiful minds too, and I'll never forget. I met Roger Nishiishioka he talked about at a conference I was leading the music and he was the keynote speaker he talked about we have to learn to turn down the volumes of negativity oh yes, that's beautiful image stuck with me turning down the volume because they're never going to go away. You, you learn to relate to those voices or to that energy or to those thoughts in a different way. You have better tools to navigate that and turn down the volume and pay attention to the other things that help you to stay, to move forward, to stay focused, to at least take the next step, because sometimes we glorify this process of self-growth and healing.

Speaker 1: 33:44

No, it's just little steps that we take sometimes it's one step, one step forward, three steps back, but how powerful that again, once we are in that journey that we all shared as humans, we can continue to open doors. Yeah, listen to each other and, and, and just give that push to that person or allow them to say, hey, look in that direction and it opens a new journey for them.

Speaker 2: 34:09

Listen, to be accountable and be and have courage and be vulnerable. It's so hard. They say that the important stuff hurts, growing pains and everything Like it's true. When something is easy, yeah, it's important, but not as that journey that it's changing. It's even changing your, your, your energy, how you feel, how you will raise that family or friend that said something to you that it hurt you and it stayed with you. And when you need to tone it down, you know and and and continue and be brave, but it's hard. It's hard to be accountable. Not everybody can be accountable and say, hey, I made a mistake, let me see how I can learn from it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I did this. I, I, I need to learn how. How can I improve? People don't like to do that. People don't like to do that, but when you do, you sleep like this.

Speaker 1: 35:10

Yes, Like a baby. Okay, nana, you mentioned that you want to talk about energy, and I don't know if this is connected to this question, but my question now to you is what keeps you motivated, and is gratitude connected to it in any way?

Speaker 2: 35:25

Okay. So what keeps me motivated, like in life or to live, yeah. So it was hard for me also to understand that life is to have fun too, to experience, to have fun, to have all these experiences, to meet new people. Sometimes we like go automatic and just work and go home and not enjoy life and not appreciate the wonderful world we live in.

Speaker 2: 35:56

So, that's something that is so important to me, and I found out that sometimes you're looking on the outside for what you need or looking for people to give it to you, but everything you need is inside you.

Speaker 2: 36:12

The peace that you're looking for is inside you. The courage, the vulnerability, the strength everything is inside you and it's to put it on practice that is hard, but sometimes like, oh, I have to work really hard and I forgot to enjoy my life. What am I working for? I'm working for to go eat sushi with my husband, to go on vacation, to sit in a park, I have electricity, I have water, I have food, I have trees, I have ocean, I have food, I have trees, I have ocean, I have lake, and sometimes we forget and we think that that stuff is little, but it's the biggest thing in our lives, like I have air, I have sky, I open my eyes, I have my limbs, I can talk, I'm healthy. My life also changed when I started to appreciate and to be grateful for what I have instead of what is missing. Yeah, but the stuff that I want to get to. Then I'm working hard to it, but not like killing myself, but working and enjoying life. A disfrutar, a disfrutar la vida, la vida.

Speaker 1: 37:22

Because it's a gift.

Speaker 2: 37:24

It is. It's a gift.

Speaker 1: 37:25

That makes me think of consciousness. I know it's a big theme and and I just feel like all these tools or platforms, or narratives or or path and by that I mean spirituality, religious traditions or different practices that you carry in your life they all are just helping us to realize the fact that consciousness allows us to experience the present moment.

Speaker 2: 37:58

Yes, mindfulness, yeah, and we take it for granted. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 38:03

And it's again the same image of we pay attention, the louder voices usually are the negative voices and it's, it's part of the psyche, it's part of the human experience, but we ignore the beauty of the present moment. We ignore, like you say they, just the trees, the, the sunset, the sunrise, your body. Just understand that, that we are alive and that in that journey we can also appreciate the small things. That, as you say, that's what makes life beautiful. It's fascinating, but I think it requires to be intentional and I think that's where practices come in and whatnot. So life is full of ups and downs, right, and our brains are always processing phenomenon around us and allowing us to continue to grow and to expand. Over the years, like I said, I have come to a place where I recognize that I need to develop like a healthy relationship with myself which is what we've been talking about, and that includes my thoughts, my experiences, my feelings, my goals.

Speaker 1: 39:05

I call that process self-love, and you've been using that expression throughout the episode. I call it self-love, I call it spirituality, and sometimes this could look like I'm going to commit to work out, to stay eating healthy or to go for a walk, reading a book, meditating, surfing, playing an instrument. I have found that there are certain practices that allow me to go through this human experience in ways that continue to provide me with meaning, purpose and joy, which is pretty much what we're talking about, and so my question to you is what?

Speaker 1: 39:40

what do you do in order to connect with yourself? Do you have any practices that allow you to get to that safe harbor and yourself? Recharge and go on.

Speaker 2: 39:48

I do actually. Yeah, so would you mind sharing in my? In my life I got to a point where I was like I can't continue to live like this, with this high anxiety and pressure and and sadness and the heaviness I felt, and I couldn't let go of trauma or what happened to me and I was, like you know, like vibrating, like I was going to explode. And thanks to a friend of mine, thanks to Coralice and Pamela, I discovered Reiki. So I had a session with Marta Marta, you're the best. So I had a session with her and it Marta, you're the best. So I had a session with her and it's an alignment of your chakras and I was like I'll try this, whatever, it's fine.

Speaker 2: 40:35

My life changed when I finished that session. I could see the colors of the world, like the red was another color, the green. I was like, why is everything greener? Why is it just like? Took a veil off of my eyes and I started this journey of healing, of self healing, of letting go. Everything that I've been talking about is I wasn't born with it. I was like, oh yes, I am so calm and peace and love. No, it's something I worked really hard. So Reiki gave me this opening and I loved it so much that I even became a Reiki master and I have a couple of patients and I love to help people this way.

Speaker 2: 41:20

Then I also did Kaj, like another Kundalini experience, and I started also to read, to read about boundaries, read about self-love, and it has changed my life. So I do Reiki, I do Kaj, I walk barefoot in the grass and I try to enjoy nature as much as I can. And then it changed how I took care of myself and I started to nurture my body and to nourish it with foods that are good for me. I found the foods that made me feel good. I started Pilates. Pilates helps me so much to be calm, to be centered, and I feel healthy. Healthy, I feel strong. My core is strong. I feel healthy. I look at myself like, yeah, it's looking good, yeah, but it helps me. Like you know, like some people like do kickboxing and let it all. I'm letting it all out Because we have a lot of pent up energy that we need to go on walks, like I do a lot for myself and that's how I continue to grow and that's how I self-love.

Speaker 1: 42:37

Got it. Got it. Let's unpack this Reiki thing, because I have been on the receiving end of.

Speaker 1: 42:43

Reiki too, and it's interesting because it's energy, it's energy centers in your body, and I remember I also worked with Martha. Thank you, martha, thank you for recommending her. I remember going to her, feeling so relief afterwards, and then I had a trip and it was like that trip. Something happened that I got triggered and I lost all the balance or perspective and, like you said earlier in the episode, it was the hard moment that showed me the good you know it was the hard situation that showed me that there's an opposite, which there's polarization, but it's like, okay, I'm here.

Speaker 1: 43:30

I didn't feel like this before.

Speaker 2: 43:32

What's happening?

Speaker 1: 43:33

that is taking me to this space, and so it's not using Reiki as a band-aid to get rid of stuff. It's actually using this practice or this tool to understand what needs attention and see that. To me that's a different approach, a different mindset, different understanding of how you can use this tool right. And so, for those who perhaps are not so familiar with reiki, can you explain it in like two sentences and, and and what's the main goal of realigning yourself with those energy?

Speaker 2: 44:07

centers in your life. So very briefly, because I could be here talking for hours about Reiki. So we're all energy. Energy is all around us. This is energy. Everything, the molecules of this microphone are vibrating in place and that's how they keep each other close and that's how it's formed, like everything. This is energy, this is molecule. So we're all energy right.

Speaker 2: 44:34

So we have these seven chakras that sometimes are not in alignment, so it's like a, it's like a tuning of a car. Something is moving incorrectly and it's like you have to align the car so it's smooth. So you align the chakras, like sometimes, even when we're sick, it can help you because it can relieve tension, it can relieve anxiety, it can make you peaceful, it can make you calm because you're aligned and then the medicine works better because you're like accepting the medicine, accepting these three, man, and let's help you is so. Reiki is not something that cures illnesses, like people think. Reiki it helps the body. If you're sick, receive the medicine, or it gives you the alignment to work on yourself. So it just opened a portal, a chip or something for me that I was like wow, I want to feel this way.

Speaker 2: 45:37

So of course, something happened. Of course somebody said you're stupid or you don't know how to do this. Of course that interrupts you and it can get you out of tune, but that's how you learn to then auto-regulate and calm yourself and see he didn't mean it. Maybe he's talking about his own experience. I don't believe this. It helped me also to not react and then to in my life, to act Like you say something I'm going to be like hey, you know, this is like you know, stay calm, centered. Hey, let's talk about this. Why didn't you say blah, blah, blah, blah? So it's helped me like align myself. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 46:28

Yeah, thank you for sharing I align myself.

Speaker 2: 46:29

Yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing. I recommend it.

Speaker 1: 46:30

Yeah, no no, and I'm not going to deny the fact that, in my ignorance, it's not that I was hesitant, but I grew up in such a strict religious setting yeah. And I think one of the biggest areas of growth, religion is when the rigidity that comes around. But these are all different approaches to help you get to the same place of self-awareness, self-love all of the religions, all of the practices have love.

Speaker 2: 47:03

You're the projimo. Love your neighbor, love yourself. They're all points of the same thing. Love your neighbor, love yourself. They're all the same, sometimes when the rigidity is not for you. But basically the Morales are to love and help ourselves. It's just that they have sometimes different names, different practices, and you've got to find the right one.

Speaker 1: 47:20

That works for you, and they're all part of our human expression too, so they're tainted with our imperfections. You know what I mean. So when I see the rigidity of at least Christianity in my context, it just comes from that place of unconsciously perpetrating self-righteousness that it's unnecessary. It works actually against the actual message that you're trying to convey against the actual message that you're trying to convey. So that's why I, when I, time and time again, I say I'm a follower of the teachings of Jesus.

Speaker 1: 47:52

I try my best to learn from him. And, in the same way, if I pay attention to his teachings, then I ought to pay attention to the wisdom of the Buddha, and I should recognize the same wisdom in Rumi, or I should recognize the same wisdom in the person at the corner of the street. It's the same wisdom, I should recognize the same wisdom in the person at the corner of the street.

Speaker 1: 48:10

It's just. It's the same wisdom. We share the same wisdom. Are we in a place where, and with an awareness that allow us to see it, that allow us to recognize it, that allow us to operate from that space, like you said, instead of reacting? Yeah you know, I think it's very powerful. I appreciate you sharing that and I've seen it.

Speaker 1: 48:26

I've seen the nanette, it's, it's, you see, growth you know I love what I see, because you're beaming, you're shining, you've always been joyful, but I said at the beginning, you're the life of the party. But in the past we were carrying yes, I was carrying burden. So much right. And so we still show up, perfect. But now we can show up with an understanding of of the good, the bad and the ugly of our personalities, and when they show up, you can say oh, here you are again anxiety, or here you are again insecurity, and so you start noticing, tapping into it, dealing with it and hopefully it helps us show up better in at its case.

Speaker 1: 49:04

Nanin, you talked about how you use Reiki, any other practices that you do that helps you realign, that helps you be in a place that you feel like you're showing and working towards the best person of yourself.

Speaker 2: 49:21

Meditation helps and sometimes people think that meditation is that you have to be in a temple for three hours not thinking about anything. And that's not true because you're human and you're always gonna think about stuff. So it's just you think about it but you're seeing it. Instead of like being in it, you're just seeing it like pass. Sometimes let's see if I'm sitting here and I'm looking at the TV and the camera and you, and there's so much stuff going on so I need to close my eyes. Let's say I have a situation and I want to feel that situation and want to feel what my body really feels and to listen to my inner voice, my intuition. So I close my eyes and I breathe deep. I do the breath work of four, like you inhale four times, you hold it four times and then you let it go and then you go again. And it helps calm your heart and I do that everywhere Driving. If something happens and I'm agitated, I start breathing. Sometimes we don't breathe. So I close my eyes and I think of that situation.

Speaker 2: 50:31

I'm like what am I feeling? Is it anger, is it sadness, is it a trigger or what happened to me? And it helps me like explore and feel and regulate myself, like, oh, that's how, why I feel this way, this is what happened. This reminded me of when I was little and that's how I acted. Oh, this remind me of chauvinism in society and that's why I got irritating, or this.

Speaker 2: 50:59

And then I, what can I do now? What can I become? Should I talk with this person? Should I not? It just helps me, like close my eyes and meditate just helps me, like organize everything. It's like you have a like a word doc open and it's full of words and then you start deleting them and and putting together the sentences and I was like, oh, this is why. So it's, that's something I I do a lot. You can even do meditations, walking, like walk on nature with your eyes open and think about the situation or what you're feeling. Sometimes I need to vent to a friend, like, hey, you know what, you know what he said to me. At least I'm venting with my friend and not yelling at you. But there's a lot of techniques Like if this don't work for you, you can other other techniques that work for you, because we're all different.

Speaker 1: 51:49

Yeah, I've been meditating for years too, and what I've found is understanding the physiology of these practices and how the body responds differently because you perform the practices yes.

Speaker 1: 52:05

You can romanticize and you can just stay in the abstract level of what the practice does. But the truth is that, breathing intentionally, you are activating your vagus nerve systems and so you are bringing your body to a homostasis that allows you to be calm. Your retinol brain is not reacting. You are dialing that thing down again, the turn down the volume of the negativity, and I feel like that's an awareness, that's a tool that we have and I I hope that conversations like ours continue to expand and expose people to that. Precisely that listen.

Speaker 1: 52:45

Hopefully your spiritual practice or your religious practices helped you people to that. Precisely that Listen. Hopefully your spiritual practice or your religious practices helped you get to that point. It's not that you're better than other people. It's how you get to a point of self-love, alignment with yourself and remembering that your longings are as important and as valuable as the longing of the other person. In the same way that you carry a bunch of junk that you have to parse out and recognize how that you show up to other people in your attitude and whatnot. Hopefully that provides the grace and the patience so you can offer it to other people.

Speaker 1: 53:20

Exactly you know, and so I'm a big supporter of meditation, of breath work, of eating healthy of working out, because, it's true, it helps you, it helps you show up better. It helps me be more creative, it helps me be a better listener and it helps me to see when I sabotage myself. That is another topic to do a whole podcast about Self-sabotage Self-sabotage.

Speaker 2: 53:52

It's coming up, all right. Next podcast.

Speaker 1: 53:54

Next podcast Nanette. Thank you. Thank you because I was looking forward to this conversation. And I am so glad that it happened and that we can share with other people. In closing, what special quote or figure has inspired you lately or throughout your life?

Speaker 2: 54:14

So this quote, I try to live by it and it's a be the change you wish to see in the world. Because you want people to be nice, hey, you have to be nice If you want people to not throw garbage. Don't throw garbage. Recycle. That's how I try to live my life, especially because I have two human beings at home. I have two children and it's my responsibility for them to grow, to live in society, but to be good humans. So I have to responsibility for them to grow, to live in society, but to be good humans. So I have to be the example.

Speaker 1: 54:51

And to be human means all of it right. It's like you're going to lose your feet every now and then.

Speaker 2: 54:57

I make mistakes and I say hey, I'm sorry, I blamed you for that. You know I'm sorry, I lost my cool, that you're being vulnerable. I want them to make mistakes and say, hey, I'm sorry, I lost my cool, that you're being vulnerable. And I want them to make mistakes and say, hey, I'm sorry, I made a mistake.

Speaker 1: 55:11

Yeah, yeah, all right. I always like to ask our guests who they think could be a future guest on the podcast, and now it is your turn. So who do you think would be a great person to invite to Journey Talks podcast in the future?

Speaker 2: 55:26

Oh, that is interesting. So many people but I think if you want to talk more about Reiki, you can invite Marta.

Speaker 1: 55:34

Okay, our teacher, yeah, yeah, yeah, that'd be nice.

Speaker 2: 55:37

That'd be nice to talk about Reiki and how it changed her life. Perfect, I like that. I like it, okay.

Speaker 1: 55:44

So note it All life. Yeah, perfect, I like that. Okay, so note it all, right. Nana, thank you so much for this amazing opportunity. You, you mean a lot to me. You, and I'm sure the kids mean a lot to me, and my wife janine. Um, I wish you nothing but the best. This is just the first one of many times that I look forward to having you here thank you to continue this conversation um Blessings.

Speaker 1: 56:05

Good luck with all the. You have a few projects coming up and growing and cooking, so I wish you nothing but the best. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2: 56:13

No, the same to you.

Speaker 1: 56:14

Yeah, friends, this has been another episode of Journey Talks Podcast, your favorite podcast to reconnect with gratitude and inspiration. See you next time. Thank you for watching. Make sure you like and subscribe to our channel. Share your feedback. Hit that notification bell. See you next time.